The Setup

I’ve fallen victim to a heinous act. An act so vile, so downright dirty, that I’m not sure as a twenty-year-old man I'll ever recover. Brace yourself, because what I’m about to tell you might have you gasping in secondhand horror. Ready? Here it goes...

I’ve recently become the pawn of a meddling mom. Yes...

A MEDDLING MOM—who's been trying to set me up all summer. Now, I understand it’s not a crime for a mother to want her child to fall in love, but when she makes it her relentless MISSION, the heinous act should be classified as a misdemeanor at least. Of course, my mom, the evil matriarch in the devil’s leggings, made her final stab at finding a girl for me days before I went back to college. And I hate to admit it, but she saved a doozy for last. A titan in black skinny jeans. A boss of nonchalance. And a girl who would not only turn my life upside down, but do it while juggling a soccer ball, looking effortlessly gorgeous around campus, and is one hundred percent against relationships. Of any sort. Thanks, Mom.